i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
