end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I forget how to act sober
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize