Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
