can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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