Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
