Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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