i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
