He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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