I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
