Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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