separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize