When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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