yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
