My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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