I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
