Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
