loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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