I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
