Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
