I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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