That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
