The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
