I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
