Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
