my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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