So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
