in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Barsexuality is the new black.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
As shirtless as possible
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
