Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
