My first STD was from a foam party
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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