when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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