i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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