This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
