Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Two words: blizzard sex
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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