Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize