Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
