im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
