you didnt know i had herpes?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
