I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
