Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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