FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
