I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
