My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
