speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
