Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
