We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
