Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
