She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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