We named our party play list daddy issues
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
