I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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