Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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