The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize