ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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