Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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