you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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