He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
whose parrot is this?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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