A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
