Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
