My room smells like vodka and shame
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
