i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
