I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
