3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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