I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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