there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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