i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
