I cockslap morals
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
