The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
