But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
