Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
