Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
