totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
