well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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