don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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