My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
