I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
