i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize