so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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