were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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