So drunk its hurt
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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