In the future we'll all be gay
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
