Who wears a wallet chain?!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
