I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
