My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
