I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
