You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
